Yorge-Sexual

I’ve only ever had two serious-ish relationships and both were with women. But in between and since those relationships I’ve been on several dates, some with men and some with women. This is confusing for some people who know me and to them I say, I’m sorry that my MY sexuality confuses YOU. That must be so hard for you. I’ll try to clarify.

I’ve always been pretty open with the types of people I date. The gender, ethnicity, religion and sexual orientation of a person has never concerned me much. I don’t particularly like to fit my sexuality into a box or label of any kind (although I respect and and am so thankful to all the queers who have stepped into labels in order to demand rights from their governments and I recognize that I’m privileged to be able to be so post-modern about it). Some people may want to call me bisexual, which is fine, except that to me “bi” indicates there are only two genders and I don’t really agree with that. Then some people might want to call me pansexual. Sure, call me that if you want, I sincerely do not GAF how you choose to identify me. I will just continue to identify as yorge-sexual. I suppose queer, as an umbrella term might fit me most if you must call me something (why though?); even though a gender studies professor of mine was adamantly against using that term as an identifier, so proceed with caution because you don’t want to piss off Professor Tapley (a U.S. veteran, self-identified “bull dyke,” and frequent wearer of what she affectionately refers to as a “lesbian mafia” outfit).

I get down with it all, except for blondes and people with light eyes. I’ve never attempted to date a blonde. It’s just not my thing (as of yet, I mean let’s not rule anything out entirely). While light eyes are just as beautiful and worthy of respect as brown eyes, they have always made me feel slightly weary (all T no shade). Like they’re too piercing? I don’t know, I just don’t fuck with it (sexually). For example, I think Cara Delevigne is gorgeous and a cool person, that’s undeniable, I just don’t want to get up on/under her because I feel like her eyes are staring into my soul and I find it invasive. She’ll be crushed, I know. I have previously stated on yorgethinks that when someone has dark brown eyes I automatically assume they’re the kindest person to ever exist. I’ve never been chased by someone holding a knife but I assume that if a deep brown eyed person chased me with one, I’d end up getting stabbed because my false sense of security regarding their eyes would lead me to believe that they were joking and actually just wanted to give me a hug. Sorry aryans of the world, but I think all the other affection and privilege you receive as a result of your looks will make up for my (current) lack of interest in boning you. I definitely respect you as humans though, obviously (once again, no shade meant).

Anyway, I’ve never felt particularly concerned or confused about my sexuality. As a kid I played many games of truth or dare with boys and girls, resulting in varying degrees of sexual engagement, including with the (self-identified) gay neighbour boy. I didn’t really explore much in highschool because I was too busy skipping class while still trying to remain on the honor roll so my parents wouldn’t notice I had skipped an entire month of grade twelve, nerding out in choir and dance class, smoking weed, eating pizza pops, putting on weight, and being angsty about my parent’s divorce. It was a simpler time. Aside from a couple makeouts in grade ten high school was a sexless waste land where I went to actually learn things and have dramatic friendship breakups. I do distinctly remember one afternoon in grade eleven when I was on the bus home from school, looking out the window at a 7/11 and I thought “I could date a woman a woman.” It just popped into my head out of nowhere and I thought, “Huh. Cool.” And then moved on. When I did start dating after I graduated I just naturally started dating a girl from my hometown. Girls are easy to find in my city, they’re everywhere, and the first one I actually dated offered familiarity in a new city. We could both relate to each other about how much we borderline hated the people in our hometown and she’s still a somewhat-friend to this day. After we broke up I went on a couple dead end first dates with guys and a couple with girls too. Ultimately it took until this year for me to date a guy and actually want to see him again and/or let him into my pants. I found out the key to dating men is dating guys that aren’t my age because they tend to be little babies and that’s not hot. Also they need to have at least three times more direction and focus than I do, because two people as directionless as me in a relationship would be fairly dysfunctional.

Entering into dating men at 23 is kind of a shock to the system and then at the same time, so much is still the same, it’s almost like gender doesn’t matter. For example, one surprising thing to me was that they don’t text as much, or as quickly after a date as women do. They also don’t have vaginas or ta-ta’s (fun fact) but they do have other parts, which are equally as entertaining. Hetero experiences are about 100% more likely to lead to babies, so you have to start practicing that whole contraception thing you heard about in grade ten planning class *sad face*. There seem to be some weird, semi-unwritten rules in the man-woman relationship dynamic that I thought only existed in rom-coms and books about how to be a player (that have led so many misguided men astray- poor babies), but apparently they do exist. Like waiting just for the sake of waiting to text back, so you don’t seem too desperate (so fragile). This exists a bit in woman-woman relationships, but less so. I also think it’s bullshit that it’s still expected that men pay for your drinks and food. Didn’t feminism happen? At least offer to pay your share women. Then again, I did recently offer to pay my half of a $70 bill only to realize that I am such a disorganized adult that I didn’t bring a single form of money, or even a piece of I.D. into the pub. It probably made the offer to pay half seem pretty insincere. But it wasn’t insincere, I have just never learned to adult. Ultimately though, there is an equal amount of game playing, head-fuckery, and sex, regardless of the genders involved in the relationship.

So I hope this cleared things up for people (probably no one) who were losing sleep over how gay or not gay I am. I like all genders. I’m not confused about it. I don’t mind if you ask about it, just don’t be a shithead about it. Call me whatever makes you feel comfortable because I really couldn’t give less of a fuck, just don’t come crying to me because you had decided I was gay and now I’m fucking guys and that confuses/offends you. That’s not my problem. Finally, I highly encourage all of you to fuck around if it feel right for you.

It’s 2017. Get yours.

-Yorge

 

 

 

 

 

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